echols:construct

Ahahahaha. Oh, man.

I just saw this commercial for the first time a few seconds ago. And God bless the YouTube – it’s on the internets for me to post here.

Five dollars says Burt’s drunk as Cooter Brown.

*Update: I’ve been informed by several people now that this is not the funniest Geico commercial ever. Also, I’ve been told that Burt isn’t drunk – he’s just old.

SnowDays is a neat way to remind us all that every person is like a snowflake: cold, flaky, and usually found clumped together with a bunch of others just like it.

Created by Popular Front, SnowDays lets people make their very own individual flake, and then drift that flake in a serene setting for others to look at. It’s actually quite relaxing and enjoyable.

Even if you’re a cynical grinch like me, you’ll probably like SnowDays. Check it out.

Those of you who didn’t know that there was a new Transformers movie in the works…probably don’t care that there’s a new Transformers movie in the works.

Those of you who do know, well…you already peed your pants once.

I know nobody’s going to start singing the 80’s theme song with delight when they read this. But it’s worth posting just on the slight chance that some poor soul missed the news…and actually cares.

Very few details about the movie are available, but it has amassed a formidable cast.

The film will star the likes of: Jon Voight, John Turturro, Bernie Mac, Dane Cook, Josh Duhamel, Shia LeBouf, and a metric ton of other B-through-D-listers (excepting Turturro). And as reported by the huge text on the official Transformers movie page, Peter Cullen will reprise his role as the voice of Optimus Prime.

You might also know Cullen as the voice of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, Zandar from G.I.Joe, Mogwai and the gremlins from Gremlins, the Narrator from Rainbow Brite, virtually every voice from every cartoon produced in the 1980’s…oh! And also as the voice of K.A.R.R. from Knight Rider.

Yes, you heard right. K.A.R.R.

The man is literally the voice of almost every cartoon I remember from childhood. I’m excited about the Transformers movie if for nothing else than Peter Cullen.

Michael Bay (please, hold your scornful laughter) is directing the live-action/CGI epic, and though it isn’t slated for theatrical release until July of 2007, the teaser trailer should tide you over for now.

I’ve also added some CGI test footage from ILM that will make you pee your pants again.

There are 3 universal truths illustrated in the following video:

1) All men fear being wailed in the junk.
2) Everyone laughs at men being wailed in the junk.
3) The Japanese have the most ridiculous gameshows conceivable.

The premise of this particular game is for contestants to repeat a challenging tongue-twister before time runs out. If a contestant fails? SLAP!

Right in the baby-maker.

It’s incredibly low-brow of me to post something like this. But you’re going to laugh at it.

*To avoid any confustion, this is not an image of the Microsoft Zune. Nor is it the Microsoft Pyxis. I just Photoshopped a screenshot of Windows Media Player 10 from Vista onto a 5G iPod.

Word of the Microsoft “iPod killer” has been spreading for some time now. We’ve known that the Big M would eventually launch an assault on the personal music/video player market from the moment that Apple unveiled the iPod.

Now, finally, some dates for release of the blandly-named Project Argo music players are on the calendar. According to BetaNews, the folks up in Redmond are looking at an initial unveiling around the end of August, with plans to begin shipping units as early as October.

Microsoft’s initial device offering will be the (code-named) Zune.

Zune is speculated to be a direct competitor to the 5G iPod in terms of storage capacity, functionality and size. But there is another player in development that will likely square up against the iPod Nano: the Pyxis.

Sporting yet another code-name, Pyxis should be unveiled close on the heels of Zune.

According to reports, both players will be serviced by the Alexandria (code-name #3) music library software. While no one knows how comparable Alexandria‘s functionality will be to iTunes, the word is that it will work in a fashion similar to MTV’s URGE.

Published reports also recommend that consumers not buy the Microsoft Zune or Pyxis.

I StumbleUpon-ed Zunafish a couple months months ago. Then, just moments ago, I did it again. And now you are going to know about Zunafish, too.

Zunafish (I’ll repeat the name as many times as possible throughout this post) is like going to McKay’s: you take your used stuff to trade in, and you get somebody else’s used stuff. It’s a premise as old as commerce itself – only now it has a funny name.

You can’t trade for furniture with Zunafish, and you can’t trade cars or house pets. You can trade DVDs, CDs, VHS tapes (why?), books, video games, and audiobooks.

The system is very user-friendly. If you’ve ever used Amazon or eBay, then you already have the knowledge necessary to use Zunafish. Where it differs from those other sites is that buyer and seller tender no currency – you simply barter one item for another.

You get to pick the things you are interested in trading for, and as soon as somebody has that item to trade…zoink! You’ve been Zunafished.

The process goes something like this:

1) Create an account.
2) List the items you’re done with and want to post.
3) Wait.
4) Get trade offers and pick the stuff you want in exchange for your stuff.

There is a $1 fee per trade. So you don’t get something completely for nothing. But that’s a heckuva deal to get rid of crap you won’t use in exchange for crap you will use and then trade again for other crap.

Zunafish doesn’t charge any fees or membership apart from the $1-per trade. No monthly dues, no nothing. If you don’t make any trades, there’s no cost.

I haven’t personally used the service yet. But that’s mostly because I keep the things I buy. Those of you who love thrift stores and tape-trading are going to like Zunafish. Try it out.

*Total “Zunafish” wordcount = 8. Unless you count this one, and then it’s = 9.

I watched this 2 days ago after downloading it via 4CR, but it finally showed up on YouTube.

There’s no point in me recapping the review, as that would immediately remove any incentive for you to actually watch it.

Never being able to get a girlfriend might also immediately remove any incentive for you to watch it. Nerd.

A company called BAE Systems has developed a synthetic material that mimics the feet of geckos, allowing it to adhere to slick or sheer surfaces.

Although there might be hundreds of useful applications for such a material, I’m sure you guessed that the company is focusing its research towards military applications:

The research is still at an early stage but the firm said “infantry climbing suits” could be made out of the material, giving the troops gecko-like abilities.

Don’t get me wrong – this is not a bad thing. Because having infantry soldiers capable of scaling windows and ceilings only brings us that much closer to the primary goal of 21st century technological progress: the flying car.

Once armed soldiers can stick to the sides of any sheer surface, we’re going to need a way to quickly deliver troops to the windowed superstructures that litter hostile countires. And because we already know that the most effective way to transport infantry to the front is via car, then we’re going to need a car that flies and has a good-sized hatch for letting Spec-op Gecko Infantry (SOGI) soldiers out.

Voila! Science invents the flying car.

Such is the hand-to-mouth evolutionary process that brings us futuristic products like Velcro, Astronaut Ice Cream and Tempurpedic mattresses.

Anyhow, news.scotsman.com has a great article on this stuff. So stop reading my crap and educate yourself for real.

Ken Jennings is a smart guy. At least, I thought he was.

You might remember him from his 74-game, $2.5-million run on television’s Jeopardy! If you don’t remember him, then you don’t own a television or read any printed news materials…and probably aren’t reading this now.

Ken Jennings might be a smart guy, but he would have lost on Jeopardy! a whole lot sooner if there had been a category called: Not Biting the Hand that Feeds You, Dumbass.

Last week on his personal blog, Ken wrote a “humorous” piece entitled, Dear Jeopardy! In it, he proceeds to rail against the show (because it’s repetetive?) and even (if you can believe it) America’s favorite Canadian anti-hero, Alex Trebek.

Now I’m all for making sarcastic remarks at the expense of others. In truth, I’m deeply committed to the idea. However, if any organization, individual or charitable trust was responsible for paying me two-point-five million dollars…you wouldn’t find any of my sarcastic remarks directed at said benefactor.

It’d be like saying, “Hey the Tennessee Lottery! You don’t donate enough of your profits to academic scholarships and you also have an unfunny slogan! And you’re a cyborg made out of Canadian children! Ha ha! Oh, and thanks for nothing. Two-point-five million nothings!”

You see what I mean? I sure would sound mean-spirited and ungrateful.

Anyhow, I won’t spoil it for you. Just go read it for yourself.

Update: Ken has since posted a response to the reactions he received about his Dear Jeopardy! entry.

*Not actually Alex Trebek or Ken Jennings or Sean Connery

Alright, this is completely and utterly a viral marketing campaign. It’s a two-minute ad.

But so was Terry Tate, and those videos are classic.

I’ll try to post some TT soon, but until then, I present you: Effeminate Geek Office Battle-Fest 2006.